Grocery Store Bag Boy
What a way to start your journey into the sphere of gainful employment! This one is a bit sentimental to me, because it was one of my very first tax-paying jobs. Working can be fun when you consider that out of 168 hours a week, you only need to spend 40 doing manual labor to survive; The rest are yours to enjoy!
So turn in your applications, show up looking sharp, and make mamma proud!
You'll embark on the voyage to a first-time paycheck at minimum wage. Graciously being compensated for your smile and skill at bag-packing and grocery toting for a whopping $7.50 an hour. Be thankful. In my day it was five. If you ask your grandpa, he didn't even get paid hourly... he'll tell you about a time when you would've been paid a whole fifty cents per day!
Let's start by practicing our universal bag boy greeting.
"Would you like paper or plastic?"
Don't bag meats with vegetables, consumables with rat poison, or candies with health foods... well, maybe that last one. Always be sure to offer the elderly help, and never forget to wear your name badge that says, "No tipping, please!"
Master the art of conveyor belt pleasantries and you may be granted the freedom to explore the parking lot in order to gather stray shopping carts. Don't worry, you can pretend you're a cowboy bringing in the herd.
If you're not busy riding them like race cars, the game will be in seeing how many you can possibly push into the store in one go. I think my record was something like twenty-five.
One of my co-workers once broke his arm trying to see how many 360's he could perform whilst running the cart backwards and jumping onto the front-end. It would send the buggy into an offset spin like a personal tilt-a-whirl. I think he may have gone a turn and a half before cap-sizing.
Master the art of conveyor belt pleasantries and you may be granted the freedom to explore the parking lot in order to gather stray shopping carts. Don't worry, you can pretend you're a cowboy bringing in the herd.
If you're not busy riding them like race cars, the game will be in seeing how many you can possibly push into the store in one go. I think my record was something like twenty-five.
One of my co-workers once broke his arm trying to see how many 360's he could perform whilst running the cart backwards and jumping onto the front-end. It would send the buggy into an offset spin like a personal tilt-a-whirl. I think he may have gone a turn and a half before cap-sizing.
After your first week, assuming you've kept you limbs in tact, proven your worth with a dust-mop, and haven't scared off more customers than you've assisted, then you may get the honor of stocking the shelves from the storeroom.
When the game is a foot, you will entertain yourself by precariously balancing as many cans of non-perishables atop flimsy aluminum gondolas as physics will possibly allow. Most of the time, the teenage mind is ignorant to the danger of the elderly customers who may pass below those potential tower's of Pisa. Though, likewise, the elderly customer rarely considers the danger of the teenage mind. In which case, their ignorance is bliss.
But, the best part of back-stock is the ability to use the pallet-jack. It quickly becomes another makeshift scooter for teens, and you will undoubtedly destroy at least one entire pallet of merchandise during your relationship with one.
"Man, if I woulda just kept that job, I could be retired by now!"
Survive these blunders and you will eventually advance to the checkout lane. Anytime someone trusts you with money, you've made a good impression! Congratulations! Lucky for you, if you're only making C's in math class, the register takes most of the calculations out of the equation. Your job, if you choose to accept it: Thumb out the correct combination of bills and coins so that your til goes back to the office without sustaining a loss. Run into a snag at the register and you have to go over the loud speaker to call for management.
"Customer service to register one, please."
Now that you are the cream-of-the-crop in low-tier grocery services, customers will come to you with all sorts of questions and problems.
"Excuse me sir, but where's the milk?"
When you tell them it's in the dairy section, your answer will be less than satisfactory. You'll be expected to leave your register, at the disgust of your current customer, and show them exactly where the huge sign resides. Meanwhile, you hope no one is taking liberties with your precious cash register.
"Excuse me sir, my son just dropped a gallon of tea."
"Clean up on Isle three," you will blare as an overhead page. And then you will smile as you fully understand your vocal prowess.
Soon you will be using the intercom to call fantastical characters to the rear of the store just for laughs.
"Hugh Janus, you have call in receiving. Richard Small needs service in prophylactics. Bo you have a job in the front; Blow job in the front ..." so on and so forth.
Being your first job, you will likely call out more than you show up, goof off more than you perform your duties, and ultimately leave on bad terms, too embarrassed to even go back for your last paycheck. But, if you're smart, and stay away from the mindset of the young and beautiful; Namely, the little voice of the ego that says, there's always another job out there for the taking, then you may stick it out long enough to get offered a job into entry-level management. There you can learn about 401ks, health benefits, stock options, and maybe even squirrel away a bit of money, while you live at mom and dad's house.
This I suggest you do, because
often,
it's your first job, you look back on when your thirty and say, "Man, if I woulda just kept that job, I could be retired by now!"
-Jay M Horne
Jay Horne is an author and publisher out of Bradenton, Florida who has shared a genuine interest in philosophy and writing since early childhood. He is a husband and father of four. Jay enjoys writing fiction, humor, horror, and teen & young adult.
View all of his professional and philosophical works of literature on his Amazon author page where you will find blogs, videos, and free excerpts:
Jay M Horne
"Customer service to register one, please."
Now that you are the cream-of-the-crop in low-tier grocery services, customers will come to you with all sorts of questions and problems.
"Excuse me sir, but where's the milk?"
When you tell them it's in the dairy section, your answer will be less than satisfactory. You'll be expected to leave your register, at the disgust of your current customer, and show them exactly where the huge sign resides. Meanwhile, you hope no one is taking liberties with your precious cash register.
"Excuse me sir, my son just dropped a gallon of tea."
"Clean up on Isle three," you will blare as an overhead page. And then you will smile as you fully understand your vocal prowess.
Soon you will be using the intercom to call fantastical characters to the rear of the store just for laughs.
"Hugh Janus, you have call in receiving. Richard Small needs service in prophylactics. Bo you have a job in the front; Blow job in the front ..." so on and so forth.
Being your first job, you will likely call out more than you show up, goof off more than you perform your duties, and ultimately leave on bad terms, too embarrassed to even go back for your last paycheck. But, if you're smart, and stay away from the mindset of the young and beautiful; Namely, the little voice of the ego that says, there's always another job out there for the taking, then you may stick it out long enough to get offered a job into entry-level management. There you can learn about 401ks, health benefits, stock options, and maybe even squirrel away a bit of money, while you live at mom and dad's house.
This I suggest you do, because
often,
it's your first job, you look back on when your thirty and say, "Man, if I woulda just kept that job, I could be retired by now!"
-Jay M Horne
Jay Horne is an author and publisher out of Bradenton, Florida who has shared a genuine interest in philosophy and writing since early childhood. He is a husband and father of four. Jay enjoys writing fiction, humor, horror, and teen & young adult.
View all of his professional and philosophical works of literature on his Amazon author page where you will find blogs, videos, and free excerpts:
Jay M Horne
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